Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Im part way to drunk.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
