he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Drunk is not a location!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
