Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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