I showed him my bush... on skype.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
cat food counts as protein by the way
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
