I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
