After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
it's great music for shaving your balls
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
