YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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