it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
