I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I need to calm my uterus...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
