I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
