weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize