Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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