i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
