Pregnant stripper...not hot.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
