Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
