Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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