his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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