you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
