sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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