3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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