If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
