Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.

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(802): View more from Vermont

Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?

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(626): View more from California

she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo

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(419): View more from Ohio

He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"

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(740): View more from Ohio

Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?

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(519): View more from Ontario

but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.

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