JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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