Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
