does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
