Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
