I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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