Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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