so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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