"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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