Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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