that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
