the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
