Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
