and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
