just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
