i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
