Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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