I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
