he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
