a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
