At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
