last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
