____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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