don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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