We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
