if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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