His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
