I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
