New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
