I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize