Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
