like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
