im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
