Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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