I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
