Pants 0. Shit 1.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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