I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
