Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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