Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
