i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
