i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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