You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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