he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
