All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
