i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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