Will you blow on my dice?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
