you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
