Me. At least after what I've been through.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize