that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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