I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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