Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
