My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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