I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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